The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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