she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
