Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
