Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
