did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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