im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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