So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
