I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Even my vagina gasped.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
