We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
