My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
