Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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