the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
