Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So squirting runs in the family.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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