I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
