I cannot find my penis.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
When are your genitals available?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
