Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Randomize
