he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
