Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
