Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
