They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
