I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
