I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
