she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
