think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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