I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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