There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
