dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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