in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
