I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
