I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
