....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
