just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
