Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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