There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
