I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
