You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
