I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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