# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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