my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
