if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
