He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
