I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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