The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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