We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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