and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
