I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
high people should be assigned attendants
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
