Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
