Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
