We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
