don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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