nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
