I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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