I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my shit smells like andre
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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